Big Dippers

by Chris McHallem

RAY and PERRY are two no hopers; small time criminals on Merseyside. Down on their luck, they try a favourite scam and switch briefcases with a grey-haired man as he boards a ferry to Ireland. They are overjoyed to discover the man's suitcase contains two million! Their celebrations are interrupted, however, by the arrival of DAVE and his two huge minders, STEFAN and VICTOR. Dave has heard that the pair have struck lucky, and demands repayment of an old debt. There are evidently old wounds between Ray and Dave - Stefan tells Victor that Ray had been Dave's protoge and was being groomed to take over Dave's business - until Ray had an affair and a child with Dave's wife, Carole.

Ray and Perry plan to pay Dave off and then live the high life with the rest of the money - but Ray is shocked to find a photo and ransom note hidden in the briefcase. They realise that they have stolen the ransom money and that the grey-haired man is about to meet the kidnapper with a briefcase stuffed full of old newspaper. Ray is horrified and forces a reluctant Perry to help him return the money and save the boy's life.

Ray and Perry board the ferry to Dublin which soon sets sail. It's not long before they spot the grey-haired man. But before they can switch the briefcases back, they are collared by Dave, Stefan and Victor, who have followed them, convinced they were trying to scarper without paying their debt to Dave. In the scuffles which follow, the briefcase accidentally gets switched again. They all have to team up to try and find the real briefcase. Stefan probes Ray about his affair with Dave's wife - doesn't Ray's son, who is now 5 years old, live with Carole and Dave? Is that why Ray is so keen to save this little boy? Ray is reluctant to answer Stefan's questions.

Ray and Perry finally get hold of the case, evade Dave, and successfully return it to the grey-haired man's car. As the ferry returns to Liverpool, they see a news report about the kidnap. The boy has been returned to his parents - and the kidnapper matches the description of the grey-haired man. They realise they've given away 2 million quid..."and to a geezer who shouldn't have had it in the first place!"

Their troubles don't end there. A furious Dave is soon dangling Perry over the ship's rail, livid that the money is gone. It looks like all is lost - until Perry reveals that he's not been the loyal mate to Ray he seemed, and had emptied the briefcase of cash before they returned it to the grey-haired man...

Another crazy chase to find the money kicks off, and this time it's every man for himself...